`True BestFriend.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

10:15 PM

"when will you be home" she asks
as we watched the planes take off
we both know we have no clear answer
to where my dreams may lead
she's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
as a child she was my world
and now to let me go i know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

you can fly so high
keep your gaze upon the sky
i'll be praying every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly away

autumn leaves fell into spring time and silver painted hair
daddy called one evening saying "we need you please come back"
when i saw her laying in her bed fragile as a child
pale just like a angel taking flight
i held her as i cried

you can fly so high
keep your gaze upon the sky
i'll be praying every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly away

oh
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly .... away.....
fly....
fly....

darn i'm missing america.. i don't know why..
there's this longing to go back to what i used to have..
or.. what i thought i had...
the days that i could go to school with a smile on my face
[one reason because i didn't have to get up at 6+ in the morning]
no school books...
no uniform..
no.... pressure.

it's so nice back there.
the weather. the food. the school.
the shopping.
the friends.
the .... unaccessibility.
the loneliness.
the fattening food.
the ever-changing temperatures.
the bitches and bastards.
the preps.
the pretense.

but yet.. i loved it.

haiiiiiiiiii...
how can it be that i long to go back to a past that hurt so much.
and yet i want to stay as i am now..
i'm thinking too much again..
but maybe.. thinking is what i like to do.

recently i've discovered something called..
she de. 舍得. in short.. letting go.
i've always had a very bad habit (as my mother always said)
i always brought too much with me.
always wanting to cling on so desperately to the things i owned.
and often. to things that i did not.
i was a stingy, selfish person.
i couldn't let go.
when someone wanted to borrow anything. i would relent.
all because i didn't want anything to leave my sight.
but then i learnt to let go..
to bring only neccessities.
but it's now become that i bring nothing.. a big bag containing ... nothing.

but oh well.
i've now... lent out..
two sets (actually three) of vcds
[not to mention aunty jo's vcd is still with me cause i haven't had time to watch!!! ><]
and my cousin has kapo-ed 10 of my magazines all cause of a few pages with s.h.e...
[reminder to self: intro qian hui to yijing]

i'm thinking (and talking/typing) too much..
babble..

blah.